I Am This.

 

The silence was beautiful and wild,

I knew nothing of the next moment.

I was in love with the open spaces

This canyon had created in my soul.

Just two days here-

The swirl of words in my mind stopped

Long enough for me to listen

To the wind.

 

The coyotes danced behind my tent.

Unafraid, I listened to them

Make love to the sky.

Each one shouting praise over the other.

This is ours! We are this!

coyote

 

I only leave the canyon,

To buy fresh vegetables and rice.

But as I drive up the gravel road,

Back into the land of wires and words.

My phone rings.

I’d willingly forgotten the sound.

The steady buzz,

Someone always needing something.

I answered, and a voice I’d left behind speaks,

“What you have-

This isn’t beauty, this is nothing.

Having nothing is failure.

You can’t need nothing.”

 

How dare you be happy,

And act like you did it yourself,

Say you need nothing.

He shouts,

You need me.

 

I love my nothing

Because my nothing belongs to me, I want to say.

I found my heart again, I want to say.

But he’s talking over me already.

Come home. Do the things.

Be the person,

I need you to be the person.

I. Need. You.

 

He pours concrete into the spaces of my soul

And I let him.

Fill me with words- doubt, should, must, do.

I can’t hear the coyotes anymore.

I can’t find the silence.

My mind fills, and I leave my canyon.

I say no goodbye though.  I will return.

To howl at the sky-

This is mine! I am this!

 

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